Slacker Chic

What is it about L.A. that turns people into slackers?

When I was a freshman in college my roommate and I would get dressed up in suits and aviator shades, (or as we called them, Asshole Glasses.) every Thursday and act like assholes. We weren’t trying to be dicks to people, but there was just something about dressing well that made us feel superior to the frat boys in their Abercrombie faux vintage tees and distressed cargo pants. Those Thursdays were, of course, just a college version of playing dress up, when you used to put on dad’s shoes and suit coat and pretend like you were a grown up, but it was something that carried over to the rest of my week, and the rest of my wardrobe. I was broke 90% of the time, but I still managed to look nice. I actually IRONED my shirts every morning. My general uniform was a button down shirt, a pair of jeans, and a pair of beat up old dress shoes, but I took the time to shine them once a week so they stayed nice. I spent some time getting ready every morning, whether I had a job interview, class, or was just going to the caf for a cup of coffee and a bagel. Not to be conceited, but I looked GOOD.

Since I’ve moved back to L.A. I’ve seemed to find the height of fashion to be a wrinkled black t-shirt and the same pair of dirty cargo shorts that I’ve been wearing all week. And it’s not just me. In L.A. people don’t dress like they do elsewhere. Here if you want to look good, you’re supposed to look like you’re trying not to look good. The dirtier your jeans look, the cooler you are. The more wrinkled your shirt is, the less you care, and hence the hipper you are.

All of this is coming from Saturday when I had to put on a suit to go to a wedding. I got my hair cut, my suit pressed, bought a new tie, and even ironed my shirt. And good goddamn if I didn’t look better than I’ve looked in a long time.

Maybe this slacker chic comes from living in a city that is so obssessed with image. A reaction to the fact that we live in the same place as people who have personal shoppers, who get tuxedos and dresses for free, simply because they are going to a place where they might be on TV, or will get photographed for a magazine. We want to seem aloof, because we don’t want people to think we’re affected by where we are.

It also doesn’t help that the paparazzi show us pictures of Brad Pitt doing yardwork in a dirty pair of workman’s pants and a sweaty old t-shirt. But let’s be honest about a few things. First, you can put Brad Pitt in a fat woman’s mumu, and he’s still gonna look like a stud. Second, Brad looks better when he’s in his Oscar De La Renta tux. Finally, YOU aren’t Brad Pitt.

I’m not saying there isn’t a place for your ratty shorts, your favorite college tee, your jeans with holes so big they’re more space than substance. But lets use them like Brad does. Wear them when you’re working in the yard, on your car, whatever. My favorite shorts are a hideous red, yellow and blue plaid. They’re comfortable, lightweight, and bright enough to light Vegas for a week. But I vow, starting today, to wear them only when golfing, or when I plan not to leave the house. I vow to start shaving everyday...ok that's not true, I really hate shaving, but I vow not to let it get beyond a 5 o'clock shadow. I vow to start wearing clean clothes EVERY day, not just MONday.

EDIT: Since I originally wrote this blog a while ago, I've learned about God's greatest gift to man, Beardtober. So, OTHER than in Beardtober I vow to shave regularly.

For those who don't know, God gave Beardtober to men to allow them the chance to have a beard growing competition among their friends. It is a holy month. Similar to Ramadan. But with more...well with an equal number of beards, but less fasting.

The New American Lexicon

about a year ago I wrote this on another blog. but i sadly forgot the sign in for it. So here it is in all it's beauty and glory. Keep in mind I posted this late Aug. Early Sept. last year.

The New American Lexicon (Pt. 1)

I've been finding new words like a mad man, and so i thought i would start an installment plan to allow all of you, my valued and beloved readers the opprotunity to share in this verdant verbal feast. Each word will have a story about where it came from, a definition, and an example of usage. Each entry will have a few new words that have something in common, which I am going to call Assosciatives, even though I don't think that is really a word. Add it to the lexicon. For instance: In this, installment one of an ongoing series, are words that sound kinda gay, but really, they aren't i swear.

1. Fag Along- While spending some time with a friend, we were commenting on the fact that all his brother's friends were gay men. My friend said that it was like his brother was a fag hag. I pointed out that a fag hag is a straight woman who hangs out with gay men, which is clearly not what the brother was. After a few attempts at a new word for the straight man with a majority of gay friends, I hit upon the term "fag along", which has it's root in the phrase "tag along", or one who follows a group.
Fag Along- (n) A straight man who hangs out mostly with gay men, attending gay functions, parades, clubs etc, but with no interest in a sexual liasion.
"Hi my name is Andy, and this is my friend Eric. I know Eric is cute, but leave him alone guys, he's my fag along."

2. Broner-I can't take credit for creating this one. This one was used in an episode of Californication recently. Hank is talking to his agent about what it's called when a man makes physical contact with another man, and feels a little "tingle" down there. After a while he comes up with broner.
Broner- (n) An unintentional erection caused by another man. Not sexual in nature.
"So my girlfriend got me a massage this weekend, and it was great, but while the guy was working on the knots in my shoulder I got a little bit of a broner. Kinda awkward dude."

3. Bromantic- A couple of weeks ago a friend and I were hanging out at my place, watching movies, drinking wine, shooting pool, and swimming. At one point I turned to him and said, "ya know, if you were a beautiful woman, this would be a totally romantic night....But you're not a girl, so tonight is more.....bromantic."
Bromantic- (Adj) A descriptive term for a night spent with one or more male friends during which typical "date" activities (of a non sexual nature)are partaken. i.e. Dinner, movies, drinks, etc.
"Last night Dan and I went to this really cool little lounge bar and drank martinis. It was totally bromantic until we met these two girls."

I am giving you these words and I hope you use them. Just please, if anyone asks you where you got it, direct them to this blog. I'd like to increase my reader base in the hope that i can turn this into a money making endeavour and stop whoring myself.

Some Upcoming Assosciatives:
Sexual Terms (Things that make the donkey punch look like missionary)
New Drinks
New Drinking Lingo
Business Place double entendres
...
AND MANY MORE!!! STAY TUNED!